What was marriage like in medieval Europe?

Firstly, marriages among the nobility in medieval Europe differed greatly from those of commoners.

Unlike peasant unions, noble marriages were usually strategic tools used to consolidate political power, obtain land, and protect their wealth.

As a result, elite families typically arranged marriages to form alliances with other influential houses.

Sadly, this meant that love or personal preference rarely factored into these decisions.

For example, the marriage of Henry II of England and Eleanor of Aquitaine in 1152 created one of the largest realms in Europe by bringing vast territories under a single rule.

These unions were vital for expanding influence, as control over land was central to power in medieval society. 

Also, arranged marriages were common, as they allowed families to strengthen their political positions.

The couple's consent was often secondary to the benefits the marriage would bring to both families.

Therefore, marriage was a crucial method of influence in a society defined by strict social hierarchy.

This can be seen clearly in the union of Ferdinand of Aragon and Isabella of Castile, who united Spain under a single crown. 

In contrast, marriages among peasants were simpler and based on more practical needs.

Commoners, such as serfs, typically married within their local communities, and their unions focused on survival.

Also, both husband and wife shared the labor required to maintain a household.

Although dowries or bride prices were common, these exchanges were modest compared to the lavish negotiations among the nobility.

Still, peasant families might still seek economic stability through marriage, but their unions lacked the political stakes that drove noble marriages. 

When a couple were intending to marry, they would enter into a an agreement called a ‘betrothal’.

This was a formal declaration that was usually negotiated by their families. This involved a binding contract.

As part of the agreement, the groom typically provided a payment or deposit to the bride’s family, which was meant to demonstrate his commitment to the union.

This exchange also helped ensure that the bride’s family would be compensated in case the betrothal did not result in marriage.

The payment was known as a ‘bride price’ or dowry. 

Interestingly, betrothals could even take place long before the couple reached the marriageable age.

This meant that young children were often pledged to each other years before the marriage was expected to occur.

The agreement was treated with great seriousness, and once the betrothal was made, the couple was considered legally bound to each other.

Rings were often exchanged during this ceremony. 

While betrothals could be ended by mutual consent, the process of breaking one unilaterally was more complicated.

If one party chose to end the agreement without the other’s consent, they could face financial or social repercussions.

For example, the family who broke the contract might have to forfeit the dowry or other assets involved in the agreement.

Because of these potential consequences, families typically thought carefully before arranging or breaking a betrothal.

This binding nature made the betrothal a critical step in the marriage process. 

In medieval Europe, the Church emphasized mutual consent as a key component of marriage, but the reality often depended on social class.

Although the Church required both parties to agree for a marriage to be valid, this principle was frequently ignored.

Despite the Church's insistence on verbal consent from both the bride and groom, many young individuals, particularly women, were pressured into marriages organized by their families. 

The age of consent varied according to local customs, but the Church generally set it at 12 for girls and 14 for boys, which meant child marriages were common, especially among the nobility.

While such deals were arranged well before the individuals reached these ages, the marriage was not consummated until later.

For example, Margaret Beaufort, mother of Henry VII of England, married at just 12 years old.

In some cases, girls as young as 7 were betrothed to older men. Aware that this system was open to abuse, the Church sought to regulate these practices, but child marriages persisted. 

The Church played a central role in defining and regulating marriage at this time.

This was mainly done through a system of canon law, the body of Church laws, governed much of marital life across Europe.

The Church held that marriage was something called a ‘sacrament’, which meant that it was both a sacred and legally binding union.

This gave the Church significant authority over who could marry, as well as when and how marriages were conducted.

As a result, couples needed the Church’s approval, and marriages without its blessing were often considered invalid.

Clergy required the publication of banns, which were public announcements made in church to ensure that there were no legal or religious impediments to the marriage. 

While the Church held authority over the sacramental aspect of marriage, local lords and secular rulers often had a say in matters involving land, inheritance, and political alliances.

These were specifically crucial for noble families, which meant that many marriages were arranged to secure political or economic advantages.

This included dowries and bride prices, which were payments made by the bride’s family to the groom or vice versa.

So, in practical terms, while the Church controlled much of the rituals, the secular authorities ultimately determined many practical aspects of marriage. 

When the day of the wedding arrived, the ceremony typically took place outside a church, officiated by a priest or bishop.

The bride was expected to stand to the left of the groom, and vows were exchanged along with rings placed on the fourth finger.

This was followed by an exchange of vows which was often followed by a Mass.

This was to ensure the marriage's validity, which would be both sacred and legally recognized by the Church and society. 

After the formal ceremony, there was usually a feat, which could become quite a lively event and last several days.

They included music, dancing, and extravagant meals. provided a public display of the union for the rest of the community.

This feast also allowed the families to showcase their wealth and influence. Most of all, these communal celebrations reinforced the importance of marriage as a social event shared by the broader community, not just the couple. 

Once married, women were responsible for managing the household, caring for children, and overseeing the daily operation of the estate, especially in noble families.

Their duties included supervising servants, producing clothing, and managing food supplies.

A woman's role as a mother, particularly in bearing sons, was believed to be central to her identity and seen as her primary obligation as a wife.

While noblewomen like Eleanor of Aquitaine, who was both queen and political figure, held influence over an entire kingdom, this was rare.

Most women’s roles in marriage involved obedience to their husbands. 

Men, in contrast, were expected to provide for and protect their families. They held authority over the household and made decisions about property and finances.

In noble families, men managed estates, participated in warfare, and expanded their land.

Unlike today, husbands had the legal right to control their wives' actions and movements.

A wife's legal rights, particularly regarding property, were limited, as most assets belonged to her husband.

However, she received some protection under canon law, which prohibited a husband from mistreating his wife without cause.

In addition, husbands had the responsibility to provide financially for their wives. 

Since the Church considered marriage a sacrament that mirrored the eternal union between Christ and the Church, it strictly opposed divorce in medieval Europe, making marriage indissoluble once validly contracted.

Therefore, once a couple exchanged vows and the marriage was consummated, the Church considered the union permanent.

Divorce, in the modern sense of a legal separation allowing remarriage, did not exist within the Church’s teachings.  

Couples who wanted to end their marriages had to pursue other options, such as annulment.

Annulments were the Church’s way of declaring that a valid marriage had never existed in the first place, and they were granted on specific grounds outlined in canon law.

Most annulments were declared due to consanguinity, meaning the couple was too closely related by blood.

Other valid grounds included bigamy, prior religious vows, physical incapacity to consummate the union, fraud, coercion, or lack of free consent at the time of marriage.

Unfortunately, the annulment process was complex and often involved petitions to the local bishop or even the pope, especially in cases that involved high-ranking nobles.

For example, King Louis VII of France requested an annulment from Eleanor of Aquitaine on the grounds of consanguinity.

The Church’s careful control over annulments meant that these cases were rare, and the process was lengthy and expensive. 

Although divorce was forbidden, separation was allowed under certain circumstances.

If a husband or wife committed adultery or had suffered cruelty, the couple could be separated; they could live apart, but neither was permitted to remarry.

The separation was sometimes referred to as a ‘divorce from bed and board’, which was a legal term in canon law.

Although such separations provided some relief in troubled marriages, they did not dissolve the bond of marriage, which remained until the death of one spouse.

The Church's strict approach to marriage ensured that couples had few options if their union became difficult. 

Although expectations of marital fidelity were strict in medieval Europe, the consequences for adultery differed significantly between men and women.

Wives were expected to remain completely faithful to their husbands, as a woman's infidelity was considered a grave offense.

Adultery by women threatened the legitimacy of offspring, which was essential for inheritance and the preservation of family lineage; as a result, women faced harsh social and legal punishments if found guilty.

In some regions, a woman convicted of adultery could be publicly humiliated, physically punished, or even sent to a convent.

While women faced severe penalties, men were often held to a different standard.

They generally faced fewer social consequences for infidelity due to broader medieval attitudes toward gender roles and property rights, even though the Church condemned adultery by both sexes. 

Since adultery was considered a serious sin, the Church intervened in such cases to maintain moral order within Christian marriages and imposed spiritual penalties on offenders.

A man or woman found guilty of adultery could be excommunicated, which was a severe punishment that cut them off from the sacraments and the Christian community.

As such, confession and penance were often required to restore their standing within the Church.

This could include public acts of contrition, fasting, or pilgrimages. The Church’s authority over moral conduct meant that even nobles who wielded great power in society could face public penance for their sins.

For instance, Queen Joan of Navarre, who was accused of adultery, had to undergo a formal trial to clear her name.

While the Church had limited ability to enforce secular punishments, its moral influence was vast and shaped general social attitudes toward fidelity. 

Because marriages in medieval Europe were primarily arranged for political, economic, or social reasons, the concept of romantic love often had little to do with marriage.

So, personal feelings were rarely considered. Affection between spouses was not entirely absent, but love, if it existed at all, was often expected to develop over time after the wedding. 

However, courtly love introduced a different perspective on relationships and influenced ideas about love, even though it did not fundamentally alter the institution of marriage.

It originated in medieval French courts and was popularized by poets and troubadours.

Courtly love celebrated passionate and often unattainable love between a knight and a noblewoman, who was typically married to another man.

Such secret and chaste love became a literary and cultural ideal. Courtly love emphasized emotional devotion, admiration from afar, and noble service to the beloved.

The influence of courtly love extended into the expectations of noble behavior; as a result, knights were encouraged to act with honor and reverence toward the women they admired.

However, because it existed mostly in the realm of poetry and literature, courtly love remained separate from the practical realities of marriage.